


portraits in the attic

by overtures



Series: doom days [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: (i wouldn't define it as angst but just so yall dont get upsetti), Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Dissociation, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Social Media, but it gets better, media fic, this one's a lil rougher folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:17:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overtures/pseuds/overtures
Summary: (Contains FFH spoilers)Buzzfeed Hero @buzzfeedheroSix Times Spider-Man Was A Gen Z Icon bit.ly/fnS9wECNN Breaking News @cnnbrkAvengers Break Silence On Spider-Man Identity Leak cnn.it/8sT61eABC News @ABCDEVELOPING: Massive amounts of information regarding Spider-Man/Peter Parker have leaked online, including personal information of family, friends, girlfriend, and school community abcn.ws/u87f0cOr: Peter is only on day two of house arrest when he starts to suspect that he might be beginning to lose his mind.





	portraits in the attic

**Author's Note:**

> once again, this fic contains spoilers for spider-man: far from home. it also contains: descriptions of anxiety + symptoms of an anxiety attack, descriptions of a dissociative episode, and a nightmare scene. u kno, just the fun stuff
> 
> recommend that you read the first fic in the series (there must be something in the kool-aid) before this one bc it won't make much sense otherwise, but i'm not your dad so do what u want i guess

**portraits in the attic**

**Twitter Moments ** @TwitterMoments  
Everything you’ve missed from the Spider-Man Identity Leak (Updated Hourly)

**SpideyWatch ** @SpideyWatch  
[Admin note: I have a feeling we won’t be getting many #SpideySightings for the next couple of days, but we’ll still update you on any important developments, so watch this space! As of right now, Spidey hasn’t been spotted for the last two days.]

**Buzzfeed Hero ** @buzzfeedhero  
Six Times Spider-Man Was A Gen Z Icon bit.ly/fnS9wE

-

Peter is only on day two of house arrest when he starts to suspect that he might be beginning to lose his mind.

The house arrest had been his idea, actually, and it was one that he was certainly regretting now that he’s been faced with the dull reality of what his days will entail. He had suggested the idea in order to appease Fury (and the government) in a way that wouldn’t result in him being shoved inside a cell for an indeterminate amount of time, and to his surprise, Fury (and the government) had accepted the idea readily. 

So it’s his own fault that he now has an adamantium ankle monitor biting into the skin on his right leg. It’s his own fault that he has a rotating cast of Men With Guns (he doesn’t quite know what branch of law enforcement they belong to, and he’s not entirely sure if he _ wants _ to know) standing guard outside of his apartment building. It’s his own fault that his every move gets tracked and recorded to use as evidence or something.

He can’t even blow his nose without getting, like, the Secretary of Defence to sign off on it.

Well, it’s not that regimented, but it sure as hell _ feels _ like it, and he’s only two days in. He has his phone, thank fuck, but he’s limited to text-only communication, no calls or Face Timing allowed. Plus all his texts get screened. Sometimes he thinks about the agent assigned to deciphering all of his weird, meme-loaded texts with Ned, and gets a little bit of a laugh out of it.

Then he thinks about the 397 unread text messages clogging up his phone, and stops laughing.

It’s only been three days since the Broadcast, but it feels like it’s been three years, three centuries. He’d spent the entirety of that first day at the safehouse in Assfuck, Jersey, which is where he’d come up with the house arrest idea in the first place. Fury had thought it was so brilliant that he’d gotten approval of the CIA (or whatever legislative branch was responsible for spider powered teenage vigilantes) that same afternoon. They’d hustled Peter and May back to their apartment that very night, and he’d crashed on his bed and managed to have his second, blissful nightmare-free sleep in a row.

Peter had spent the next day wandering about in an odd sort of haze. It wasn’t like he was loopy, or out of it, or sedated, or anything. But it was like his eyes had some sort of film over them that made everything around him seem - unreal. It felt like he was sitting in the bottom of the deep end of a swimming pool, and the water was refracting the light in a way that made his hands dissociate and sway in front of him as he looked down towards them. Any sound that reached him was muffled and distant, his head was pounding with the pressure, and his lungs were screaming for air, but it had almost been peaceful. It had almost been calm.

But if yesterday had been sitting on the bottom of a pool, waking up this morning was coming back up to the top of the water and breaching the surface. All the lights and noises that had seemed so far away had crashed down around him in a swelling tsunami of sensory overload. He’d spent the first few hours of the morning in his room, on his bed, under the covers, with his lights off. He wasn’t _ trying _ to sleep - he’d had a relatively good night for the third time in a row, which was amazing - but sleep managed to overtake him anyways, and he fell into that weird in-between zone of napping, but still being aware of his surroundings.

That awareness didn’t stop the dreams, though. He’d awoken with a strangled yell, jackknifing up in his bed, his hands forming fists around the sheets clenched tight between his fingers. He’d taken in his surroundings: the half unpacked suitcase sprawled open on the floor, the nano-suit container emitting a soft glow, faint rays of sunlight pouring in through the window around the drawn blinds. He’d taken deep lungfuls of air and tried to calm his racing heart.

It had been a nightmare, one that’s become depressingly familiar in the days since his scuffle with Mysterio. One where the illusions had been real, and MJ had really been dropped off the side of the Eiffel Tower.

Every time he’s dreamt it, he’s woken up before she hits the ground. In a weird, twisted way, he’s grateful for that small mercy.

He hadn’t wanted to be in his dark and claustrophobic room anymore afterwards, though, so he moved to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, walked to the couch in front of the TV, and sat down. He hadn’t turned the TV on. He hadn’t even set the glass down on the coffee table.

Which brings him back to where he is now, sitting over half an hour later in the exact same position. The glass in his hand has dripped condensation down onto the thigh of his sweatpants, but he’s not bothered by it. In the apartment above and to the right, people are arguing loudly in what sounds like Vietnamese. On the street below, an agent of some kind talks to his supervisor on his radio. In the hallway outside, a lightbulb fizzes as the filament bursts.

The sudden sound of a door slamming somewhere in the building jolts Peter’s consciousness back inside his body. It hadn’t sounded anywhere near him, but his senses have been going - well, if it was 2018 and not 2023, he’d say they’ve been going sicko mode. They’ve been on the fritz. Acting up. Going haywire. _ Whatever. _ Ever since he used his, uh, Peter Tingle™ in order to fight Beck’s drones, it’s seemed like the world around him is streaming straight to his cerebrum in 4K HD Ultra Surround Sound (With Bass Boost). He’d had a brief reprise in the two days after the Broadcast, when it had felt like his brain had been surrounded with cotton, but now it was _ worse _. Just from this couch inside his apartment, he could smell the food being served at the small Indian restaurant down the street.

It was driving him up the walls. Well, metaphorically at least. The only thing stopping it from physically forcing him up the walls and onto the ceiling was the fact that the sight of him just hanging out upside down might freak out all the people tasked with watching him.

(He’s not going to lie, though. He did spend a hot minute debating whether he should sit on the ceiling just for that very reason.)

Peter blinks, takes a breath. Feels another drop of water land on his leg.

He hasn’t been doing much to address the media circus, even though a part of him knows he should be. He just hasn’t been doing much of anything, really. He’s _ tired _. Exhausted. Wrung out and hung to dry.

He glances down at the glass still held in his hand, and brings it up to his lips. The water does nothing to get rid of the sour taste lingering in his mouth.

-

**Buzzfeed Hero: Six Times Spider-Man Was A Gen Z Icon**  
By Abi Coulter

Now that we know that Spider-Man is in fact a member of the Gen Z, it’s time for us to share some of the web slinger’s most relatable and meme-able moments.

**6\. That time he said “Oof, ouch, my bones” after missing a swing and landing on the sidewalk  
**

[Video]  
yeehawjamie / Via twitter.com

All memes aside, that looked like it hurt. But don’t worry - after throwing up double peace signs (in true Gen Z fashion) to the worried spectators, Spidey was able to brush off the fall and swing right back up to the skyline.  
****

**5\. That time he interrupted a would-be bad guy monologue by saying “Sir, this is a McDonalds Drive-Thru”  
**

[Video]  
_ spideywatch / Via twitter.com _

We don’t think the robber was all too pleased at the interruption, but thankfully, he was webbed up before he could launch into another monologue about his complaints. Bonus points for the fact that the whole incident happened outside a McDonalds. Ah, serendipity.

**4\. That time he attended NYC Pride  
**

[Image] [Image]  
_ kiwichloe / Via twitter.com _ meganghg / Via instagram.com

While attending Pride, or supporting the LGBT+ in general, isn’t an activity that’s limited solely to Gen Zs, this young generation has made sure that their support for this community is known. Spidey was dressed for the 2017 parade in his typical suit, sporting various flags, flower crowns, and badges.

**3\. Those times he attended rallies in New York  
**

[Image] [Image]  
_ thedailyspidey / Via instagram.com _ spideysource / Via twitter.com

In a similar vein to the last entry on this list come the multiple times Spider-Man has swing by to make an appearance at a variety of rallies and protests between 2016-2018. The first image shows him interacting with people at a Black Lives Matter protest in 2017, his sign reading “Respect Existence or Expect Resistance”, while the second shows him at a climate change rally in 2018, where his sign read “Its getting hot in here.” Other events that he has attended include the Women’s March (2016 and 2017) and a multitude of protests against former President Trump. Well done, Spidey, well done. 

**2\. That time he eagerly helped rescue a whole bunch of puppies  
**

[Video]  
spideysource / Via twitter.com

What Gen Z doesn’t like puppies?!?!!??! Certainly not Spider-Man. When falling debris from a nearby skirmish left a hole in the side of an animal shelter, over thirty dogs were let lose among the streets of Manhattan. After the fight was finished, Spidey immediately swung over to the shelter and helped in the search. His efforts were certainly appreciated, as all the dogs were found unharmed and returned to the shelter. What’s even better, the publicity he brought to the event resulted in a 200% boost in adoptions for the shelter, and an increase in donations as well!

**1\. That time he broke the silence post-identity leak with, predictably, a Twitter meme   
**

**peter** @peterbparker  
y’all ever just *spider-man noises*  
peterbparker / Via twitter.com

The tweet came from his personal account after it had been re-unlocked to the public. Spidey is yet to make another public comment, but given that it’s only been three days since his identity was revealed to the entire world, we’re thinking he has his priorities in order in this case.

All jokes aside, though, the fact that Spider-Man _ is _ a member of the Blipped Gen Z cohort, a group which the author is also a part of, just goes to show how good of a person he is. Most teenagers would rather do anything else, but not our Spidey, which is why Buzzfeed Hero, and at all offices of Buzzfeed, are proud to say #IStandWithSpidey.

**Trending in New York・**Change

#IStandWithSpidey

Buzzfeed

Spider-Man

**chloe 42** @kiwichloe  
the new buzzfeed article abt spidey…….. journalism at its finest

**chloe 42** @kiwichloe  
@kiwichloe OH WAUT THEYUSED MY OIC OF HIM FROM PRIDE FJSSDKJNDVKJS

**meg** @sweetnermeg  
@kiwichloe LMAOO THEY USED THE INE FROM MY INSTA TOO I CANNOT BELIEVEEEEEEE

**chloe 42 ** @kiwichloe  
@sweetnermeg WE’RE LIT RALLY FAMOUS…. mwah

**Flash Mob**💥@no1spideyfan  
Yo #IStandWithSpidey is trending for a third day hell yeah! Keep using it to show your support 👊 🕷

** _from: pepper_ **  
_ Hi kiddo, I know you’re probably not on your phone much right now but I wanted to update you on some of what’s been going on for the last few days. _  
_ We’ve got a legal team set up for you in case you’re actually charged with anything. As of right now, you’re not facing any charges, and Fury is working to make sure that if you do eventually get brought in, the process will be streamlined and safe. _  
_ Other than that, our second team (the SI one) is going after the Bugle for libel/slander and exploitation of a minor. The fact that Beck’s clip was pretty doctored is going to be a huge help, but we’re also still trying to track down some of his men, to use as witnesses and to persecute as well. _  
_ I’ll be telling all of this to May, so she’ll relay the message if you’re not on your phone! _  
_ Stay safe, and always let me know if you need anything :) _

** _from: mj _ **  
_ hey peter and/or peters FBI agent how’s the house arrest have u gone insane yet _

** _from: ned _ **  
_ yo dude u good? am i allowed to come over or will i b arrested for consulting with a criminal _  
_ legally that was a joke _  
_ unrelated question can texts b used as evidence in court _

** _from: mj _ **  
_ oh also btw loser buzzfeed did an article on u _  
_ well for a vague definition of article _  
_ the journalist in me is dying as i say this but u should read it when u get the chance it’s actually quite sweet _

** _from: may _ **  
_ Can you see if we’re out of milk? _  
_ Wait, unless you’re still ignoring your phone. Nevermind then :P _

** _from: happy _ **  
_ Hey kid, Morgan asked after you this afternoon. Anything you want me to pass onto her? _

** _from: mj_ **  
_ morita sent out an email abt u why is he contacting us during the summer. who tf checks their school email during summer break??? _  
_ … not including me _

** _from: betty _ **  
_ hey Peter, just checking in bc I haven’t heard from u, I’m assuming ur alright because Ned seems alright but just text me when u get the chance!! _

** _from: mj_ **  
_ hellooooo _

** _from: mj_ **  
_ ok r u just not on ur phone or _

** _from: mj _ **  
_ aight then nvm _

-

Peter Parker’s Incomplete List Of Shitty Things About House Arrest When All Of Your Actions Are Being Monitored By The US Government (Probably): 

  1. Feeling self-conscious whenever you go to the bathroom 
  2. Having second thoughts about every form of communication you have because it might be used in a court case against you
  3. Wanting to watch TV, turning the TV on only to see a news segment about yourself, turning the TV off, and wondering if the government somehow set that up on purpose
  4. Missing your friends
  5. Missing your girlfriend
  6. Receiving text notifications from said girlfriend and hoping she’s not mad that you haven’t responded to her, and trusting that she understands that you’ve been a little bit overwhelmed as of recent
  7. Listening to the argument in Vietnamese that’s still going on in the apartment above you, two whole hours later, because it’s the most entertaining thing you’ve found to occupy yourself so far
  8. Staring at the wall and accidentally dissociating (multiple times)
  9. Eating an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips because it’s the only food in the whole apartment that doesn’t require any preparation 
  10. Not being able to go pick up more salt and vinegar chips after you’ve finished the rest of the bag
  11. Not wanting to text May and ask her to buy more salt and vinegar chips because that would require you to look at your phone, and then you might see even more text messages from your friends and girlfriend which will make you feel even more guiltier than you already do, but not like guilty enough to actually respond to said texts
  12. Knowing that all the things you’re attempting to distract yourself with will only prolong the inevitable mental breakdown that is long overdue
  13. Wanting to sleep, but being terrified to do so
  14. Wanting to cry, but being too tired to do so
  15. Having the previously mentioned mental breakdown, but being low key about it because you don’t want the government agents watching you to judge you or whatever

Don’t worry though, everything is fine. Peter’s _ fine _.

Well, if “fine” has suddenly become the newest synonym for “losing it”, then he’s fine.

“It” in this situation has multiple meanings, including but not limited to: his mind, his will to live, his grip on reality, and probably most of his friendships. But it’s fine!!! He’s doing great, really. Like water off a duck’s back. He’s not worrying about any of it. In fact, he’s made the wonderful decision to actively ignore all of his new fun and fresh problems that had sprung into his life as a result of The Broadcast like the world’s shittiest surprise party. It’s like when he has a test that’s not for a couple of weeks, and it’s for a subject he doesn’t like, so he doesn’t study for it. Reverse object permanence. If he’s not thinking about his problems, maybe eventually they’ll just… disappear on their own.

It’s not the healthiest method of dealing with ones issues, but Peter’s not, like, a fucking doctor. Relax. It works _ fine _.

But boy howdy, he suspects it’s going to get pretty damn tough for him to ignore some specific problems. Some of those bad boys are definitely more time-sensitive than others, and he knows ignoring those is akin to ignoring a ticking time bomb. It’s only going to blow up in his face. Like the nightmares, for example. Those suck, and he’s only had one in the last three days. If they come back in his life with any semblance of frequency, he’s utterly and royally screwed.

That bridge can be crossed when he gets to it, though. Or maybe the bridge can get burned. He doesn’t know. He’s a science guy, he knows jack shit about idioms.

So he starts to just ignore the niggling in the back of his head that’s been telling him _ you should do something why are you just sitting around DO SOMETHING ANYTHING AT ALL - _he thinks it’s his conscience, maybe. In any case, it’s getting treated like it’s just another notification on his phone: it’s being ignored.

And wouldn’t you know it, he gets so freaking good at ignoring _ that _ series of impulses in his brain that he starts to ignore other things, too, and not necessarily by his own choice. He starts ignoring the tension in his arm from how he’s clenching his fists. The dryness of his throat. The rumbling of his stomach.

So that’s how he stays until May finds him when she returns home that evening: on the couch, fingers curled, slumped over, with a puddle of water seeping out around shards of broken glass that have been scattered on the floor.

-

**Trending in New York ・**Change

Spider-Man

Avengers

#IStandWithSpidey

Captain

**Excerpt from: ** _ **The Peoples’ Hero: In Defense Of Spider-Man ** _  
Written by STACEY SEVILLE for the NEW YORK NEWS NETWORK | Published July 24, 2023

[...] In their defense, however, that was never meant to be their job. The Avengers were always supposed to be the last stand, Hail Mary type that either saved the day, or at the very worst, _ avenged _it. They were not intended to be the people that are on call to deal with the mundane day-to-day problems and ailments that plague the rest of the world’s population. The impact that the Avengers have had on our society is both undeniable and unquestionable, but perhaps the more subconscious ripple effects of their actions are less obviously felt. However, while they might not be as apparent to the standard person, they too are just as undeniable. In fact, a 2016 survey conducted by Stanford proves this: when asked what a hero is, 43% of participants said “Someone who the world” (or a similar variation), while 39% responded with “Someone who stops the bad guys” (or a similar variation). Are these responses both things that heroes do? Oftentimes, the answer is yes. But are they things that define what constitutes the making of a hero? This answer is less easily defined.

Well, what _ does _ make a hero? Perhaps it’s the evil misdoers that they stop, or maybe the scale of their actions. Or, alternatively, maybe a hero isn’t defined by the things that they do; a hero can just as easily be defined by their personal qualities. That seems to be the case for how the Oxford Dictionary defines a ‘hero’: as “A person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.” Nowhere in that definition does it mention what exactly a hero is required to do in order to earn that title - just the fact that a hero has admirable qualities that most others lack, and act when others would be too afraid to do so.

Inaction is always easier than action. Some might say that Spider-Man’s actions are smaller than those of the Avengers, but others would disagree, saying that taking any form action is justifiably better than doing absolutely nothing. After all, which is better: saving a thousand lives at once, or saving one life on a thousand different occasions? Both help the same number of people, so who’s to so say that one is inherently “better” than the other? Because let’s be clear: _ no one _ is responsible to be a hero. Just because someone has the ability to help others doesn’t mean they are therefore required to do so; the world would likely look quite different if that was the case. The quality that separates a hero from the rest of the world isn’t their abilities or the grand scale at which they help people, but rather the fact that they made the _ choice _to help others. A choice which Spider-Man has made again and again. [...]

( Read the full article here ) 

**mj ** @whatthemichelle  
read this essay (the whole thing if u can) net.ny/dho47b #IStandWithSpidey

**Flash Mob ** 💥 @no1spideyfan  
@whatthemichelle can u respond to my dm it’s important

**mj ** @whatthemichelle  
@no1spideyfan sorry i dont have a twitter 

**Flash Mob ** 💥 @no1spideyfan  
@whatthemichelle dude, it’s about Peter, cmon

**mj ** @whatthemichelle  
@no1spideyfan ok cool so is every other dm i have rn 

**Flash Mob ** 💥 @no1spideyfan  
@whatthemichelle I’m being serious I’m legit trying to help here

**mj ** @whatthemichelle  
@no1spideyfan …… fine 

**ned leeds ** @NedTalks  
@whatthemichelle @no1spideyfan u guys know u have each other’s phone numbers right it’s important to me that you know this 

**mj ** @whatthemichelle  
@NedTalks @no1spideyfan i dont have a phone — Twitter for StarkPhone

**CNN Breaking News ** @cnnbrk  
Avengers Break Silence On Spider-Man Identity Leak cnn.it/8sT61e

**The Daily Bugle ** @DailyBugleNY  
Read: What the Avengers WON’T SAY about SPIDER-MAN bug.le/hU9a5 #VigilanteOrVillain

**Avengers Break Silence On Spider-Man Identity Leak**  
By Ted Bails, CNN  
Updated 6:18 PM ET, July 24, 2023

Captain America Sam Wilson (prev. Falcon) was joined by King T’Challa of Wakanda (Black Panther) and Captain Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel) at a New York press junket in order to give their standard monthly press release on the multiple ways which the Avengers are working to better this post-Blip world. However, when it was time for questions, the only topic of discussion in the room was the recent controversial identity reveal of Spider-Man (Peter Parker, 16).

When the three were questioned about whether they knew that Spider-Man was a legal minor, Capt. Wilson responded first, saying “I don’t know if you recall, but when Spider-Man was first starting to associate with the Avengers, _ I _ wasn’t exactly doing much fraternizing with them, so considering I wasn’t an Avenger at the time there was no reason for me to be aware of that fact, no.” King T’Challa went on to continue: “Once Spider-Man officially joined the team, all members of the Avengers were made aware of his identity.”

“And I had been off-planet since before he was born, so no,” Capt. Danvers remarked, getting a laugh out of the room.

The questions then continued: _ Has Spider-Man been helping with any of the post-Blip works alongside the rest of the Avengers? _ (“He’s been working a lot with his aunt’s New York-based charity, actually,” comments Capt. Danvers) _ How are the Avengers dealing with this fallout on top of an already heavy workload? _ (“Stark Industries is handling the legal side of things,” said Capt. Wilson, “but we’re here for moral support.”) _ Has Spider-Man signed the amended 2023 version of the Sokovia Accords? _(“The status of individual members in regards to the Accords is not yet available to the public,” King T’Challa replied.)

Then, the final question was asked. _ Will Spider-Man remain a member of the Avengers? _

“I don’t know,” Capt. Wilson replied, after a moment’s pause. “That’s for him to decide. I know I would like him to stay on the team, but he’s been through a lot recently. We all have. If he needs the time to recover, that’s cool, but as he knows he always has a spot on the team whenever he’s ready.”

-

Peter is trapped.

There’s a glass sphere surrounding him, and the material is unyielding no matter how hard he punches and pushes against the slick curved walls. Curved walls that are rotating, spinning, sending him tumbling as he scrambles for any semblance of friction against the quickly moving surface.

He can’t seem to get himself to stick, and it’s scary. He’s falling, his shoulder slamming into the wall as he rolls backwards trying to right himself. The second he gets onto his feet, the world lurches sideways, his legs crumbling out from underneath him, sending him sprawling back onto the ground.

The constant movement doesn’t stop. Although the glass is clear, he’s surrounded by a void so black it seems to swallow everything, including the sounds he makes as he continually slams into the walls hard enough to bruise. There’s barely enough light for him to see the whole glass cage around him, and he can’t exactly make out where it’s coming from. He doesn’t have enough time to get a good look in between the constant bouts of motion.

He falls again, this time landing on his front, on ribs that he knows are healed but still somehow feel broken. He lets out a hiss of pain, and stays down. Miraculously, the movement of the floor/walls of the sphere comes to a stop.

_ You always manage to save the day, _ a voice says, echoing out into the nothingness that surrounds him, _ but will you manage to save yourself this time? _

The voice is familiar, he realizes, as his heart drops to his stomach. He’d recognize it anywhere, given how it keeps replaying in the back of his mind. It’s Mysterio.

“Let me out!” he pleads, pounding on the bottom of the sphere with everything in him. “Please, Beck, I’m sorry! You don’t need to do this -”

_ I bet you’re sorry. _

The sphere disappears, and Peter’s falling again, only this time he’s falling down, down, down into the dark.

Through the wind whistling past his ears, and through the hoarse screams that tear themselves away from his throat, he hears the voice carry on. It almost sounds bored. _ God, look at you. You’re pathetic. Poor pathetic Peter Parker, pretending he could play the hero. _

“Please!” Peter yells.

_ If only Tony could see you now. _

He slams into the ground with an impact that rocks every bone, every molecule of his being. He gasps in pain, squeezing his eyes shut.

_ I bet that means you think I’m the bad guy, right? Well, newsflash, the world has _ changed _ now. You don’t get to decide who is what, not anymore. _

Peter keeps his eyes closed, and tries to push himself up to his feet. An invisible force throws him back down the first time he makes it onto his knees, and he crumbles down into the dirt. He grits his teeth and tries again. This time, nothing stops him.

_ There are no more bad guys, there are no more heroes, just the people who are alive, and the people who are fucking _dead!

His eyes are wrenched open by that same unseen force he’s unable to fight. He’s in an endless graveyard, surrounded as far as he can see by a field dotted with stones that stretch out all the way into the darkness, into the void. He gets pushed forward, and he takes clumsy step after step until he’s standing in front of a row of seemingly innocuous headstones that look no different from all of the others...

Except these ones have names etched into them where the others are blank. Peter swallows, and tries to blink, but his eyes are still being held open by that same unseen force.

He reads the names.

Mary Parker. Richard Parker. Ben Parker.

Tony Stark.

He swallows once more, feeling his breath rattling in his lungs. He opens his mouth to speak, but before any words can make it past his lips, the force shoves him again, sending him spinning around so he’s facing more gravestones that he could’ve sworn weren’t there before. It was like they had followed him, like they had appeared in his very shadow.

These ones had names, too.

May Parker. Ned Leeds. Michelle Jones.

_ How many more people are you going to let die for you before you realize that you’re not anybody’s hero? _

Peter curls his hands into twin fists, nails biting into the flesh of his palms. Tries to shut his eyes, but still can’t. “This is a dream,” he grits out between his bloody, clenched teeth. “This isn’t real.”

Mysterio laughs. The sound echoes around Peter, never ending. _ I’m only as real as you let me become, _ he says, _ and I’ll be there even when you WAKE UP - _

“- Peter, sweetie!” Another familiar voice jolts him awake.

Peter startles, instinctively pulling away from the hand that was holding onto his shoulder. He allows himself to relax when he sees who the hand belonged to.

May stands over him, one hand reaching out where it had previously been on his shoulder and the other resting on her hip. She’s still in her work clothes, and her eyes are filled with concern. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine,” Peter mumbles, blinking as he shifts on the couch. He tilts his head, cracks his neck, rolls out his shoulders. His muscles feel all tense and tight from the weird position he had been sleeping in. “Guess I just fell asleep,” he tries weakly.

May purses her lips. “What happened? There’s glass everywhere.”

“Oh, shit. Er - sorry. Shoot.”

“Peter.” She levels him a flat glare.

“It’s nothing, I just dropped a glass. I’ll clean it. Uh, what time is it?”

May just sighs. “It’s half eight. Did you eat anything for dinner?”

How the hell is it so late? Peter could’ve sworn it had just been, like, eleven AM just two hours ago. But he knows time is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels like an hour has gone by when in reality the class is only ten minutes in. And other times, you can blink, and five years have passed you by.

“No,” he replies, before he thinks any better of it.

“Peter,” May sighs again, “you can’t keep -”

“I’m not hungry, really,” he interrupts honestly. “I don’t feel that great, I dunno, I might just call it a night.”

May looks at him assessing for a moment, before sighing again. “I’ll clean this up. You go lie down, if you’re sure.”

“What? No, I said I’d clean it up -”

“Peter. Let me do this, please.”

Peter looks at her, really _ looks _ . Her eyes look as weary and worn down as his own, and he knows that her tired expression is a mirror image to the one constantly on his face. This isn’t fair on her, he _ knows _ this whole situation is wearing her down too, but this isn’t a bad guy he can stop. He can’t web up the exhaustion that’s eating her, no matter how badly he wishes he could.

This isn’t something he can save her from. Hell, he can’t even save himself.

Mysterio’s words from his nightmare echo in the back of his mind. _ You’re not anybody’s hero _.

He swallows. “Okay. I’m - I’m going to sleep,” he says, instead of _ I’m sorry _.

May smiles softly. “Sounds good.” _ Me too. _

-

**To: ** mayparker @gmail.com  
**From: ** morita @midtown.com  
**CC: ** pparker @midtown.com  
**Subject: **Meeting regarding Peter

Hello Ms. Parker,

I hope this email finds you well. I’m sure that you and Peter are currently dealing with a lot at the moment regarding the unfortunate broadcast from a few days ago, so if you could take the time to read through this and get back to me, that would be wonderful, and I thank you in advance.

To get straight to the point, I believe it would be beneficial to both the school and Peter if we were to meet together to discuss how best to handle Peter’s unique situation for his senior year of highschool, assuming he is planning to complete this year at Midtown. If you are preparing other accommodations for the next school year, know that Midtown is here to support both Peter and yourself, and we would be happy to arrange something to ensure his continued involvement with the school. 

Please get back to me as soon as you are able with a time for this meeting that would suit both yourself and Peter (if he wants to come). I am available at the school weekdays from 9-4, but I am of course happy to meet at whatever time is convenient.

Let Peter know that everyone here at Midtown believes and stands with him, and I hope to hear from you shortly.

Principal Morita  
Midtown School of Science and Technology

**To: ** morita @midtown.com  
**From: ** mayparker @gmail.com  
**CC: ** pparker @midtown.com  
**Subject: **Re: Meeting regarding Peter

Hello Principal Morita!

Sorry for getting back to you so late in the evening, I’ve been at work all day. Peter and I will be able to meet you tomorrow (Tues. July 25th) in the morning - let’s say 10 for now. Peter’s currently under monitoring by some branch of the US Government - we’re still not entirely sure as to _ which _exact branch - so we’ll need to be accompanied by an agent, but we’re cleared to come to the school.

I’ve passed on your message, and Peter says he appreciates the thought a lot. So far, him and I haven’t really talked about the next school year, but I’m pretty sure he wants to return to Midtown next year. I’m hopeful that by the time school starts in the fall, all the buzz has died down, so it shouldn’t pose many problems.

I appreciate you reaching out to us, and will see you tomorrow!

Thanks,  
May Parker

**To: ** mayparker @gmail.com  
**From: ** morita @midtown.com  
**CC: ** pparker @midtown.com  
**Subject: **Re: Re: Meeting regarding Peter

Tomorrow sounds good to me. I’ll see you at 10 in my office - Peter knows the way there.

Principal Morita  
Midtown School of Science and Technology

-

Principal Morita’s office is _ freezing _.

It’s not something Peter remembers from his (admittedly few) previous visits, but it’s the only thing his sleep-addled brain is letting him focus on at the moment. He’d had another nightmare the previous night - the old classic of Mysterio, MJ, and the Eiffel Tower - and had woken up at 2 AM. He hadn’t been able to sleep after that, and now he’s feeling a headache beginning at the base of his skull because of it.

The fan in the corner of the room blows a gust of air in his direction, and he shudders as the coldness hits his arms. He thinks the fan is overkill. There is literally no reason for it when the room already feels like the Arctic.

He’s jealous of the agent standing guard outside the door. Sure, the guy needs to monitor their conversation or whatever, but at least he can be _ warm _ while doing so.

“Logistically, there’s not much that we, or rather _ you _, need to change,” Principal Morita says as he pulls up Peter’s records on the monitor, startling Peter out of his glaring at the fan. “Of course, you’ll be banned from participating in any inter-school athletics, but -” he glances briefly at Peter’s records, then at Peter, then back at the papers on his desk, “- that was never something you did anyways. You’ll also be excluded from the curve in your Physical Education class -”

“P.E. gets curved?” Peter wonders aloud. Then he mentally slaps himself. That's really not supposed to be the takeaway of this meeting. Focus, Peter.

“- on the condition that Coach Murch ‘actually begins to get some effort from your scrawny white self’. That last part was a direct quote, by the way.”

Peter nods, processing this, and stifles another shudder as the fan once again blows air in his direction. So he’ll actually have to try in P.E. class now. That’s not so bad. Also, he should tell Ned that P.E. is curved. “What about Decathlon?”

Principal Morita clicks something on his keyboard, and another page pops up on the screen. “Documents provided by Stark Industries show that your, ah, condition has a negligible effect on intelligence, and your current and previous grades and transcripts do help to back this up.” He sighs. “Of course, if the Board does receive any complaints, which they might on the grounds of your team’s recent successes this past year, you may have to sit some standardized tests. Or something of that matter. That’s unlikely to happen, though, as everything is still getting back on its feet post-Blip, so your circumstance is probably fairly low on the priority list, if I’m being honest.”

“Okay,” Peter says. Okay. That’s not as bad as he had thought it’d be, all things considering.

Principal Morita sighs. “Now, safety is another thing we have to consider.”

“Is there any reason Peter would be unsafe at school?” May asks, her brow furrowing with concern.

“That’s what I was going to ask you. I don’t believe that any member of the staff or student body would try anything, but it’s always better for us to be prepared in case something does happen.”

“Or if people want to find me. Other people,” Peter adds, looking at Principal Morita nervously. “What if someone were to try to attack me here? What would you guys do?”

“We have lockdown procedures already in place -”

“That’s not - the people that would want to come after me are, like, _ insane _ , I mean, Mysterio destroyed the _ Tower Bridge _, and he’s just one guy. I don’t think our usual lockdown is gonna cut it against these people,” Peter interrupts. He glances at May, then turns his attention back to Principal Morita, who’s looking at him with an intense, unreadable expression on his face. Peter runs a hand through his hair, and shifts in his seat. “Look, I - if we can’t -” he cuts himself off, frustrated.

“If we can’t what?” May probes gently.

Peter swallows, and casts his gaze towards his feet. His right shoe is untied. “I just don’t know how safe it’s gonna be,” he says quietly, “me returning here. If I’m putting people in danger then I _ can’t _ \- I can’t do that.”

“You have _ every _ right to come back to school,” May emphasizes. “ _ Every _right.”

“But it’ll make the Broadcast true!” Peter exclaims, throwing hands in the air in an Italian moment that is 100% May Parker. “If I’m putting people in harm’s way just by, by _ being _ here, then _ I _ should be the one to leave!” He starts shaking his head slightly. He might look insane, but that’s beside the point. “That’s _ my _ responsibility, if I don’t, and then someone gets hurt, they get hurt because of me, and I can’t - I can’t let that happen,” he says. “I can’t.”

_ How many more people are you going to let die for you before you realize that you’re not anybody’s hero? _

If he tries, if he does what he’s _ supposed _to, nobody else will die for him.

The nightmare might not have been real, but the ugly and raw fear that it had spawned from certainly is; real enough that it’s almost tangible, real enough for him to feel it grip and squeeze at his heart. This is what he’s afraid of: not what the world will do to him, but what it might do to _ them _, to the people he cares about. He can’t let anyone else get hurt because of him. 

It would break him. It would tear him in two.

“Peter,” Principal Morita begins, not unkindly, “that video, that broadcast, it was meant to make you scared about exactly that. You are allowed to do what you feel safe with, but know that not coming back to school because of a hypothetical fear would be what Mysterio wanted. It would be letting him win.”

Peter sniffles. “I - but what if something _ does _ happen?”

“Then it happens, and we deal with it as best as we can. But it wouldn’t be your fault.”

Peter feels the fight leave him like he’s a balloon deflating. He keeps his gaze on the floor. He knows that Principal Morita is right, that he can’t let his fear get in the way of his life, but it’s just - this is exactly what he had been afraid of. “Okay.”

“We’re here for you, no matter what,” Principal Morita says.

“We’ve got you, kiddo,” May adds.

The fan blows a piece of paper from the top of Peter’s file onto the floor, and he feels himself smile for the first time since the Broadcast.

-

**Daily Mail US ** @DailyMail  
Reporters swarm home of Spider-Man/Peter Parker; security involvement required

**Brad Oleshaw ** @BROleshaw  
@DailyMail who is that woman with Spider Man? Is that the aunt that I have read about? She is quite beautiful 

**Kyle G ** @kylegrigswal11  
@DailyMail Ha … great powerful Spiderman needs to rely on the government to protect him … not so strong afterall

**chloe 41 ** @kiwichloe  
those pap pics of spidey are wrong yes but GOD he really is… cute :/ we must Protect

**Spider-Man Source ** @spideysource  
No, we will not be sharing the paparazzi pictures of Spider-Man. We suggest that you do not either, as making them popular will just make more paps want to photograph him.

**jess ** @mightbejess  
wait how did people even get spideys address??? wtf is wrong with ppl

**jamie #IStandWithSpidey ** @yeehawjamie  
@mightbejess im pretty sure his general location was leaked in the original b*gle article or maybe the new york times spread im not sure abt his address tho :-/

**jess ** @mightbejess  
@yeehawjamie wtf thats so gross hes a literal teenager 

**jess ** @mightbejess  
hey not sure why this needs to be said but don’t?? photograph kids going into their homes?? i get it spider-man is a hot topic right now but that’s such a huge invasion of privacy like no one deserves that no matter what u think abt spidey

**Charlie Campbell ** @CCampbell12  
@mightbejess Spider man is a public figure now. People want to photograph public figures and share the pictures. Get over it.

**meg!!! ** @sweetnermeg  
@CCampbell12 @mightbejess bro he literally didnt want his identity to be known for like this very reason oh my god u are so gross

**ABC News ** @ABC  
DEVELOPING: Massive amounts of information regarding Spider-Man/Peter Parker have leaked online, including personal information of family, friends, girlfriend, and school community abcn.ws/u87f0c

**NBC News ** @NBCNews  
Spider-Man’s private information, including address, was sent to paparazzi hours before it was leaked online nbcnews.to/2ga3v4

** _from: mj_ **  
_ ok i know ur not on ur phone but im ok _  
_ people know i was with u before the broadcast somehow _  
_ ill keep u updated as i can _

** _from: ned_ **  
_ yo buddy any chance i could hitch on that house arrest w u i got a lot of random people on the internet dming me _ _  
_also ppl somehow know my address? my moms answered the door like 4 times in the last 5 minutes

** _from: Unknown Number_ ** _  
_ _ Stay inside. We’ll keep your friends safe. NF _

** _from: ned_ ** **** _  
_ _ how does nick fury have my number what the heck and fuck _  
_ this is almost cooler than being tranqued by him _   
almost.

** _from: pepper_ ** **** _  
_ _ I saw those pap pics - don’t worry kiddo, we’ll sort everything out over here. They shouldn’t be able to photograph you when you’re at a private residence anyways. _ _  
_ _ We’re pretty sure it was the Bugle that leaked your personal info, but we don’t have any proof. Hang in there. Love you lots xx _

-

Okay, in hindsight, maybe the house arrest had actually been… a good call.

Like, it may end up being the cause of Peter’s inevitable neurological breakdown, but it also makes sure he doesn’t have to deal with any more fucking paparazzos, so at this point he’ll take what he can get.

He doesn’t know how those people even knew his address - as far as he knew, nothing like that had been included in the original broadcast, or in any of the articles that had immediately followed. Why it had been released now, four days after the Broadcast, he didn’t know. He didn’t particularly care, either. 

What he did care about was how much people now knew about his friends. About Ned. About MJ.

He knows he can’t keep them safe from his house, but he can’t exactly _ leave _ , not after the disaster that had greeted him when he returned home after the meeting with Principal Morita. He had been swarmed, literally surrounded by people with flashing cameras and microphones held in their hands that they all tried to shove in his face as he worked his way through the crowd. It had gotten so bad that the agent had been required to step in, threatening everyone that had assembled if they didn’t get out of his way, and God, wasn’t that embarrassing. A superhero who couldn’t even walk up to his front door by himself. MJ is right. He really _ is _a loser.

So now he is sat back down on his favourite sofa, May relaxing in her bedroom watching Netflix. She didn’t particularly enjoy he experience either, but she didn’t have the same claustrophobia that Peter did, so he thinks she’s fine. He hopes, anyways.

Instead of a glass of water gripped tightly between his fingers, this time he’s holding his phone.

He hasn’t opened it since he made those tweets three days ago, and he feels bad about it, he really does. Getting ghosted for three hours sucks enough, and he’s been ghosting people for three _ days _. If the roles were reversed, he’d think he was an asshole. But his avoidance has come back to bite him in the ass now though, and it’s certainly going to suck as well, he just knows it is.

He flips the phone around in his hand idly, debating whether or not he should go on it. If he does, he’s going to have to _ deal with things _ , no excuses. He doesn’t _ want _to, but he knows that he should. He can’t just keep sitting here twiddling his thumbs while the world gets all up in arms over him, over his friends. That’s not right.

If he has the ability to stop it a bad situation, he should. That’s only fair.

He presses the power button, and the screen lights up. He thumbs in his password.

523 missed texts. Fan-fucking-_ tastic _. 

He types out a text to MJ - _ hey, i’m here, i’m sorry. just go with what fury says and stay safe please, i’ll talk to u soon _ \- and to Ned - _ i’m sorry dude, just do what fury says. tell mj that i understand if she’s angry at me _ \- then opens his Twitter. 

He posts a series of tweets, then screenshots them and heads over to Instagram, where he uploads the screenshots to his story. It’s his first story upload ever - but he supposes that his two-hundred thousand new followers won’t know that.

The notifications immediately begin rolling in on both platforms. He’s exceptionally tempted to read the comments, but he ignores the urge, turning his phone off and putting it in his pocket. He knows MJ will valiantly and aggressively clapback on his behalf if anyone’s particularly mean towards him, and she’d probably do it better than he could ever hope or aspire to.

He heads into the kitchen, and fixes himself a plate of leftovers for dinner. He pours himself a glass of water, and relishes the coolness as he all but chugs it down. He’s present. He’s here. He can handle this. And if he can’t, well, he’s got people behind him, people standing in his corner. They’re not going to let Mysterio win.

After all, his nightmares are only as real as he lets them become. He’s clawed his way out of worse places than this, and if he can get through those, he can get through anything.

He grins, getting an idea and pulling out his phone. He posts one more tweet, and sends a final text. He sets his phone down on the counter, and digs into the Indian takeout from the place down the street. If he focuses, he can hear May laughing softly at some Netflix program in her room.

The Vietnamese couple upstairs is arguing again, but Peter tunes it out. From now on, he chooses to focus on what’s important. Like this curry. Like the quiet giggles coming from May’s room. Like the text notifications he receives from Ned first - _ we’re both safe dw. u got nothin to apologize for _ \- followed closely by MJ - _ lemme kno when we can talk. i miss ur dumbass. no apologizing, loser. _

If the government agents that are watching him judge how he smiles stupidly as he eats his curry, he doesn’t even give a shit.

-

**Trending in New York・**Change

Peter

#IStandWithSpidey

Spider-Man

no1spideyfan

**peter ** @peterbparker  
hi friends. please dont attack/question my pals bc of me. please leave my family out of this. spider-man is my thing, and getting them involved isn’t the cool thing to do. pls have some respect (1/?)

**peter ** @peterbparker  
@peterbparker this wasn’t how i intended for my identity to be released. i never rlly intended for my identity to be released, actually. i didnt conceal my identity because i was hiding something, though - i hid it to make sure my friends/fam wouldn’t be hurt bc of me (2)

**peter ** @peterbparker  
@peterbparker if u have a problem with me/something i’ve done, that’s fine. i don’t particularly care as long as u don’t drag people who have nothing to do with anything into your mess. feel free to drop a location if u wanna brawl tho (that was a joke @ fox news) (3)

**peter ** @peterbparker  
@peterbparker but for those of u who have supported me thru all this, i appreciate you. the #IStandWithSpidey tag has helped a lot. u guys r the reason i do this. u guys r the reason there’s a spider-man in the first place (4)

**peter ** @peterbparker  
@peterbparker with that being said, i do still intend to continue being spidey. once all the legal schtuff is sorted out ofc. don’t yet know if imma be with @Avengers or not, but as long as new york’ll have me, i’ll b there (5/5)

**peter ** @peterbparker  
@peterbparker oh sike one last thing: follow @no1spideyfan xoxo

** _to: _ ** _ flash _  
_ hey dude wanna meet spider-man _

** _from: _ ** _ flash _  
_ I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!!??? _  
_ why did u tweet that. I mean thanks but uh why _  
_ ….bro I’ve . Met u before what r u on _  
_ do u mean for like a video??? Yes I’d be down r u kidding _  
_ u better not be talking to any other YouTubers I stg _

** _to: _ ** _ flash _  
_ ok sick _

** _from: _ ** _ flash _  
_ Peter what does that MEAN _  
_ bro don’t do this to me _  
_ BRO.. _

** _to: _ ** _ flash _  
_ :) _

** _from: _ ** _ flash _  
_ PETER . _

**Author's Note:**

> title is once again from doom days by bastille! if u can guess which lyric i'll use for the title of an upcoming fic in this series u get... a gold star i dunno. also, thank u so much for the response on the last fic! this one's even longer, and it was entirely written while i was away in italy, so if it seems wack in some areas that's just the pasta talkin. 
> 
> if ur name/handle appears in this fic and you would like me to remove/change it, let me know!
> 
> more fics are cookin, i should have the next one up sometime this week.
> 
> finally, i am still on twitter @barnesdanvers, so hmu there or comment/kudos if u enjoyed - it seriously makes my day!! aight pce


End file.
